The Golden State Warriors Should Sign Colin Kaepernick

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Despite the fact that he is not a politician, business leader, or high-ranking general, Colin Kaepernick is by far the most divisive, and yes, dangerous, person in the history of American history. No one, save Barack Obama (side note: have you ever seen them in a room together? I thought not), has ever cleaved this country right down the middle like Kaepernick, which is ironic, because going over the middle was never one of his strong suits.
Think about it. Imagine the biggest villains in American history. Nazi Germany. The USSR. Baylor University. Even these despicable, godless institutions had one redeeming value: they brought the country together.
Kaepernick, meanwhile, has turned brother against brother, mother against child, Bayless against Sharpe. There’s only one other Great Evil that has managed to do that.
The Golden State Warriors.
Some people (Communists) see the Warriors as the future of basketball. Passing freely, dividing labor evenly, analytically attacking the weaknesses of their chosen profession.
Others (Charles Barkley) think they play Sissy Basketball.
Who’s right? It’s impossible to say (the Communists are right). But one thing is for certain: the Warriors relish their roles as antiheroes.
That’s why they should do The Right Thing® and sign Colin Kaepernick, ending one national nightmare and prolonging another.
It’s the perfect marriage, much like the arranged Muslim gay marriages that the UN will force all Americans to have if the Democrats ever get back in the White House.
Kaepernick has drawn the ire of honest redbloods everywhere by having the audacity to exercise his Constitutional rights, while Warriors coach Steve Kerr has done the same by suggesting that other Constitutional rights should be slightly clarified.
These two "men" would make the perfect heels — heels that America needs, heels it hasn’t seen since Sgt. Slaughter pledged loyalty to Saddam Hussein.
Instead of the national anthem, every Warriors game could start with a different liberal celebrity — Meryl Streep, Jimmy Kimmel, Kim Jong Un — burning the American flag while defecating on a Bible. I bet Kaep would stand for that.
The scoreboard would reflect their liberal bias, with every Warriors basket counting for three points while every bucket the competition makes is instantly dismissed as a false flag operation.
And everyone would get to play equal amounts, so that there were no hurt feelings. In fact, the starting lineup would be determined by the players and fans themselves, because if you identify as a good NBA player, who is Steve Kerr to tell you you’re wrong?
Sure, there’d be downsides, most notably the fact that Colin Kaepernick is not a basketball player. But hey, neither is Andrew Bogut, and he did ok in Golden State.
This needs to happen. It’s the only thing that can save this country.
Well, that and Robert Mueller.

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