The best part about Andrew Luck’s retirement!

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So, it’s been a couple of days and all of the (two) possible takes about Andrew Luck’s surprising retirement have been run through the sports media grinder and spit out. Yet, there is one story that the “lame stream sports media” hasn’t somehow stumbled into. Indianapolis may be losing one of the most thoughtful and endearing quarterbacks of this generation, but no one is looking at what the Colts and their fans are gaining. I’m talking, of course, about new backup QB Chad Kelly!

If you are unfamiliar with Kelly, here’s a quick refresher. Or if you like, a longer one.

  • He was kicked off of the Clemson football team after conflicts with coaches.
  • He was arrested for threatening to shoot up a restaurant he was kicked out of.
  • He became the starting QB for Ole Miss
  • He stormed the field and interrupted a high school football game to confront opposing players who tackled his brother.
  • He was the last player taken in the 2017 draft, by the Denver Broncos (Mr. Irrelevant!)
  • He was arrested in Denver for walking into a strangers house (drunk) at 1 am and sitting on their couch, mumbling incoherently.
  • The Broncos released him the day after the couch sitting mumbling thing.

And now a few things I know about Indianapolis and the Colts.

  • The team abandoned Baltimore in the middle of the night and moved to Indianapolis without telling anyone. (I don’t blame them, I wouldn’t admit that either)
  • The fans booed Andrew Luck off the field after learning of his retirement.
  • The Colts used five 300lb. bags of sand as offensive linemen during Andrew Luck’s first few years in the league (this is a slight exaggeration.)
  • Luck was hit 87,408 times in his first 5 years in the NFL, which is over twice the average for QB’s during that time. (I’m pretty sure these figures are exact)
  • The Colts employed a racist radio announcer for 30 years.
  • Mike Pence is a Colts “fan” (I’m sure within the many definitions of “colts” and “fan” this is a true statement.)
  • Jim Irsay (Colts owner) carries huge bags of drugs and spent five million dollars on a David Gilmore guitar. Let me be clear, I view this as a positive.

Basically what I’m saying is that Indianapolis finally has the quarterback they deserve. I can’t wait to see Mike Pence wearing his “Mr. Irrelevant” Jersey. So fitting.

****NOTE- Mr. Kelly is suspended for the first two games of the season (see above, couch incident.) I guess they will just have to wait.

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