Steph Curry Isn’t Even the Best Player on His Team (But He’s Still the Greatest Player of All Time)

Posted by

Let’s get something straight right out of the gate:

Kevin Durant is the best player on the Warriors. He’s probably the best player in the NBA right now. That makes Steph Curry the 2nd-best player on his own team.

He’s still the GOAT.

Stop. Just stop. I can already hear all your stupid objections to my nonsensical thesis. But, since I have a lot of time on my hands and anyone who reads this site undoubtedly needs things explained to them in painstaking detail, I’ll address them one-by-one.

He’s one-dimensional.

This is true. Here’s the thing: the scoreboard only operates in the one dimension he’s good at.

Does he pass well? Probably. Who knows. It’s a bad decision every time he gets rid of the ball, so I hope not.

Can he play defense? It doesn’t matter. The other guy isn’t going to score on Steph every time, whereas Steph will get at least 3 points on every possession.

Has he ever gotten a rebound? Fuck rebounds. Has anyone ever won a game by a rebound? You know who was good at rebounding? Anthony Mason. Anthony Mason fucking sucked.


Fuck Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan was just a rich man’s Anthony Mason.

You know what Jordan was really good at? The mid-range step-back jumper. You know how many points you get for that? Fucking two! Jordan is, at best, 66% as good as Steph. QED

Also I’ve seen Steph Curry dribble at least once in his career, so he has that over Mike too.

(COUNTERPOINT: At least Mike can dunk.)

They Don’t Play REAL BASKETBALL Nowadays

Oh, go fuck yourself.

Every time somebody makes this point, they always point to the ’90s as the league’s heyday. Why? Because they’re moronic Jordan fanboys, and they can’t bear to wrap their heads around the fact that they like shitty basketball played by shittier people.

They always say that players back then were tougher, because they would get the shit beaten out of them every time they drove to the lane. Yeah, and then what happened? They missed!

If you liked seeing the Heat and Knicks play seven games of 71-69 basketball every year in the playoffs, then yeah, the ’90s were aces. If you liked seeing players with skill who were actually capable of entertaining you, though? Skip everything in between the Showtime Lakers and Steve Nash’s Suns.

He’s Real Fucking Annoying

I can’t argue that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *