Rumors are swirling that UCF head coach — and former Nebraska QB — Scott Frost is about to take the head coaching job at his alma mater (I don’t know what Nebraska’s pitch was that swayed him, but let’s face it — Frost never cared much for pitches anyway).
Mr. Frost, if you’re reading this (Editor’s note: no one is reading this), you would be an idiot to take that job.
Nebraska football is like Kevin Spacey’s career: it had a great run in the ’90s, but now it’s kind of embarrassing to think about. Also that’s not really fair to Kevin Spacey, who likely would have been able to stay competitive with Minnesota.
But unlike Spacey’s career, Nebraska football ain’t never coming back. It’s a program that thinks it belongs in the conversation with the Alabamas and Ohio States of the world, but the fact of the matter is, Nebraska’s ceiling at this point is simply as The Other Iowa.
That’s a bitter pill for Nebraska fans to swallow, both because they think they’re the greatest fans in the world and they tend to be people who are generally distrustful of non-corn-based medicine.
This is a delusional fan base. They legitimately thought they might be a contender this season because they had a quarterback who fared well at the Manning Passing Academy. Never mind that he was transferring from Tulane, or that Eli is technically a Manning.
But never mind that right now. The question is, why on Earth would Scott Frost take this piece of shit job? His star is burning as brightly as it possibly can, and the UCF program is likely to continue being great, so he can have his pick of jobs next year if nothing suits his fancy this off-season.
Why risk that on a program that will never be better than the fifth-best team in the Big 10? What’s there to gain? All he can do is diminish his star while finding out that it’s a lot easier to convince college kids to stay in Florida than it is to convince them to move to Nebraska.
That is unless Frost is able to use the Nebraska alumni base’s extreme star power to his advantage and rope in Larry the Cable Guy or the ghost of Weldon Kees to help with recruiting.
Nebraska’s glory days — based on a gimmick offense and the most talented felons that money could buy — are over. There are newer, better gimmick offenses, and other schools have more bail money to spend.
This isn’t to say that Nebraska fans should give up hope, or stop going to games. After all, a fan base that continues to be abnormally excited by balloons will still enjoy watching Purdue run up the score, and they’ll have ample opportunity to continue their tradition of cheering for the other team’s better players.
Just set your sights a little lower than Scott Frost. Gene Chizik is available, as is Les Miles. And hey, maybe you get lucky and convince Jeff Fisher to try going 8-8 in the college ranks.
But if you’re Scott Frost, don’t be a fucking idiot. Stay as far away from Nebraska as you possibly can.
In fact, that’s just good advice for anybody.