The Sports Dump list of the “Best” Available undrafted NFL free agents.

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The most over hyped sports event of the year, the NFL draft, has come and gone and…. nothing has changed.  That doesn’t mean we won’t keep beating this horse loooong after it has actually turned to dust. And so we present some players who slipped through the cracks at the draft and are still out there.  Waiting to be invited to training camps, where they will endure inhumane conditions, debilitating injuries and access to some of the greatest opiates created by the pharmaceutical industry.

Boogie Holland – NT- SUNY Albany- 5′ 8″, 375 lb nose tackle – Fantastic run-stuffer. Came into school as a 190 lb safety.  Caused some controversy when he kneeled during anthem in college; it was later revealed that he only did so because he is unable to stand for longer than 20 seconds at a time.

Andrew Miles – WR – Rutgers- Runs a  4.4 40, sure hands, great measurables. Labeled a character risk after incorrectly answering yes to a question about whether he had any hobbies outside of football.

Cliff Streamwood- DE – Boston college 9’11” 1500 lbs – the son of an alien and predator monster, cliff is one of the best athletes in the draft, hampered only by the fact that he’s an alien and eats people.  Still, he has a sweet disposition when he’s not hungry, and if he’s motivated he can really feast on quarterbacks. Literally. Sources say he’s being targeted by the Raiders.  With a tranquilizer gun.

Cantrell Thompson – DB- South Florida- Rangy defensive back. Great ball skills, hard hitter. One red flag is that for unknown reasons he demands to be tried in Naval admiralty court whenever penalized.

Tanner Lee – QB Nebraska- Manning passing academy MVP.  Started for two different D1 universities. may be color blind. (EDITORS NOTE: Lee was drafted, but due to the truth of this scouting report, I’m keeping it in.)

Johnny “Popcorn” Flather –WR, SIU-Carbondale – A little undersized at 5’4′ 149 lbs. Average route runner and not very productive with 8 rec and 27 drops in his college career. Will catch 135 passes for the Patriots this season.
Greg Cook- LB, Iowa- At 6”3’, 256, he’s got the size, he’s got the toughness, the ferocity, a nose for the ball.  Unfortunately, he is  so incredibly slow he can’t ever get to the point of attack until several seconds after the whistle blows. He can be productive in those goal line situations where he is too slow to be faked out of position.
Patrick Warton -QB- Texas Southern- Ranked last among QB’s in 2017.  Has a disarming, almost melancholy look in his eye that makes him appear trustworthy.  Perfect fit for the Browns in week 9 after Taylor goes down and Mayfield is released from the team.
Jeremy Devine – Punter, Alabama – Downside is that he rarely got to touch, let alone punt the football playing for Alabama. Upside is that he has no history of using the n-word, has never made it rain, and has minimal domestic abuse or sexual assault charges.  Also, though it may hinder his punting did we mention his knees lock so he can’t kneel?

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