The most over hyped sports event of the year, the NFL draft, has come and gone and…. nothing has changed. That doesn’t mean we won’t keep beating this horse loooong after it has actually turned to dust. And so we present some players who slipped through the cracks at the draft and are still out there. Waiting to be invited to training camps, where they will endure inhumane conditions, debilitating injuries and access to some of the greatest opiates created by the pharmaceutical industry.
Boogie Holland – NT- SUNY Albany- 5′ 8″, 375 lb nose tackle – Fantastic run-stuffer. Came into school as a 190 lb safety. Caused some controversy when he kneeled during anthem in college; it was later revealed that he only did so because he is unable to stand for longer than 20 seconds at a time.
Andrew Miles – WR – Rutgers- Runs a 4.4 40, sure hands, great measurables. Labeled a character risk after incorrectly answering yes to a question about whether he had any hobbies outside of football.
Cliff Streamwood- DE – Boston college 9’11” 1500 lbs – the son of an alien and predator monster, cliff is one of the best athletes in the draft, hampered only by the fact that he’s an alien and eats people. Still, he has a sweet disposition when he’s not hungry, and if he’s motivated he can really feast on quarterbacks. Literally. Sources say he’s being targeted by the Raiders. With a tranquilizer gun.
Cantrell Thompson – DB- South Florida- Rangy defensive back. Great ball skills, hard hitter. One red flag is that for unknown reasons he demands to be tried in Naval admiralty court whenever penalized.
Tanner Lee – QB Nebraska- Manning passing academy MVP. Started for two different D1 universities. may be color blind. (EDITORS NOTE: Lee was drafted, but due to the truth of this scouting report, I’m keeping it in.)