I’m Very Disappointed by the Lack of Chick-Fil-A at the White House Clemson Dinner by Vice President Mike Pence

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Dear America,

As many of you know, President Trump enjoyed a meal yesterday with the fabulous Clemson Championship team, who were victorious in one of the finest sports contests that has ever been described to me. While the President showed remarkable generosity paying for the many value meals from McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s, I must admit that I was quite consternated to find out that he did not order a single item from Chick-Fil-A.

It is not common practice for me to criticize the President, whom I believe is the single greatest living human being, even surpassing Mother, however I feel it is my divine right to take this moment to voice my displeasure.

I can find no reason he chose not to include Chick-Fil-A. For one, there are ample locations near the White House, including one located in George Washington University, but even if he didn’t want to go near such a liberal institution as that, there’s one  on Massachusetts Ave, which Mother and I frequently visit to order our Grilled Chicken dinners (I regret to say the titular chicken sandwich is far too spicy for my tastes), except on Sundays when Mother and I lie prone on our individual twin beds all day and the restaurant is closed.

I often hear rumblings about representation lately, and I finally know what everyone is talking about.  There is no doubt that McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King are fine, American institutions, but so too is Chick-Fil-A, and their exclusion, I must say, made me quite upset indeed. In fact, when Mother told me it was for my 8:30pm bedtime, I could not fall asleep until at least 8:45pm, possibly even 8:50pm, that evening.

I doubt I will make a habit of dissenting from the President, but I will make a habit of  Chick-Fil-A, as should every decent American.

Thank you and God Bless America,

Mike Pence

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