Dear Fucking Christ, Esports Could Be in the Olympics

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The Olympics have been around for a long time, but interest from youngs is waning, which is why the International Olympic Committee voted in 2013 to add surfing, skateboarding, sports climbing, and karate to the 2020 Tokyo games in an attempt to "take sport to the youth." (They also re-added baseball and softball, which would seem contrary to said mission, but apparently Japanese kids actually give a shit about America’s Favorite Former Pastime.)
So what sport could be next to join the Olympic tradition? Esports.
Yes, I’m fucking serious.
That’s right, the IOC is considering adding competitive gaming to the Paris Olympics in 2024 because esports "can provide a platform for engagement with the Olympic movement," whatever the fuck that means. In fact, Paris 2024 co-president Tony Estanguet said earlier this year, "We have to look at it because we can’t say, [esports are] not about Olympics."
Well, you can actually, because esports are just dudes playing video games against one another. However, as dull as it is to sit next to your buddy while he fucking plays Call of Duty or Overwatch while you drink beer and do nothing, esports tournaments are actually a thing that fills arenas, so I guess that why even the IOC has to look into it and take it seriously.
Take that, Michael Phelps! Instead of training your ass so you can compete against sharks you could have been sitting on your ass smoking weed and playing video games with pre-teen strangers from across the country!
Even despite esports popularity, it’s apparently not that difficult to be considered for the Olympics. The IOC stated that esports could be considered a sporting activity because the participants "prepare and train with an intensity."
If that all it takes, expect masturbating to be considered for 2024 as well.
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